Dear mom, 

                   If you realized, i haven't been myself lately after i spoke from my heart that day and no one listened. The reason why i'm writing this to you because i can't really speak my mind when i am in front of you, i will either end up crying or getting angry. So mummy, please treat this email as a young adult version of me speaking and please read this email with an open mind and heart. 

Why i was angry that day was because no one wants to listen to me and i really hate it when you all laughed at me even though i was talking seriously. And i really want you to know that i AM the same when i'm with everyone. Be it with my friends, or with you all, i'm always the same.  Not like chinting, she's different at home and in school. (i can tell)

But papa don't seem to like how i am, like you all don't accept me for who i am thats why i've been all quiet these few days but i don't like it. I really want to come home everyday and laugh. 

You know i cannot hide anything from you, You know i will tell you every single thing. Sometime i just want to tell you the tiniest things i've been through but you all don't listen, so i look for my friends. Then you will say i meet them too much. No, im not blaming you, but have you hear what papa says whenever i want to talk? 

He will say " Oh, why do you talk so much?" , " Do you know you are very noisy? ", I know sometimes i am really noisy but i just think the house is too quiet. I talk alot at home because i still want to be your little girl, i want your attention to sayang me. Not to come home and hide in the room like kor kor.

Like today, i passed my BTT, i was really happy but i don't know how to tell you so i just message you. Jill really helped me in passing this because she gave me her password for her practice.

What i want to say is that, i really want your trust. I know you don't believe but i really know how to choose my friends. True friends comes rarely thats why i only have 2 groups of good friends. 

For the chalet i want to book, I want you to see what kind of friends i have. And trust me that i can behave myself outside without you and papa's care. You know im turning 21, I know what i'm doing. I'm not asking much. I just want a laid back celebration where i can celebrate my 21st with family and friends. I don't want club i don't want havoc. Just a night with my small 2 groups of friends that you know of. 

Mummy, you know im speaking from my heart. I need your trust. Your trust is as important as your love. I know papa don't trust me, he thinks i dont know how to think. Im from your womb, you know me best. If this long email make you angry, im sorry mummy but this is what i have to say to you if not i'll cry every night in bed. I'm sorry if i make you cry, im sorry if i hurt your heart. I just want to let you know all of this going through my heart and it hurts, alot. 

After you've read this, you can either reply here or give me your hug, i'll understand already.

Mummy, i really love you, papa, kor kor and mei mei. But sometimes kor kor is DAMN irritating. 

Love you,

Mei mei. 

Another sleepless night filled with inspiration

Tonight, My mind is filled with ideas and inspirations. I was thinking about starting a YouTube channel and hopefully get acknowledge by people by art. I don't wanna be known I mean like, I don't want to show my face, like I wanna be anonymous. I just want to explore my creativity and my
Interest. What should I start with. What will my name be on YouTube? How am I gonna do it? Shit, I have too many questions in my head I can't fall asleep.

Boy oh boy

Baby, after what have happened today, I feel terribly wrong. For you to punch the wall and hurt yourself, for you thinking that I betrayed you, for you being so angry. Im terribly sorry.
I've never seen you this mad before and I really know that I've done a horrible thing. I still cant get over it. I've been thinking the whole while. From the time I was forced to take a stick till now. The moment I held it, I know I was wrong. :'( I can't stop thinking of how mad you were. Yes, I thought of ending my life cus I kept hurting you the pass few days. I really don't wanna live because of the stress I have, the things I did. I wanted to end it. I know I was selfish when I thought of that but when I saw you tweet blood. I really want to see blood on me. :'( I was holding my tears in front of everyone on the street. It hurts as though i have millions of paper cuts on my heart. What changed my thoughts was your calls. I realize how much I needed you. And how much pain I will cause if I were to leave the world. :'( I did too much fault I can't leave without changing. When I see your face, and you immediately put me in your arms. Your warmth tells me I have to stay. When we were laughing, I know it's worth it. I really can't do without you. Baby, you changed my life. Now I have to live with you forever. Baby, I'm really sorry for what I've done. I promise I won't do that again. I love you my dear.

That letter C

Feeling I get when I have that letter C. When I lit that letter C up, i took a breath of relieve.
When I take another breath, I feel that my brain was cleared.
Next I feel that I was flying.
That letter C feels incredible for that little moment but it's killing.
Every breath taken I feel my life shorten.
That letter C.

Man

Man, why do most man cheat. I've just finished watching my hong kong drama and there was a part when a couple was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary and he walked off when his mistress rang and told him about his son was ill. I feel that when a person cheats in love there won't be a second chance.

Forever and after

Words can't tell how much I love you.

Let those pictures tell. Time flies so quickly, it's our 1st year now. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was waiting for your 15 mins late reply. I love you for being you. I love you for loving me for being me. I love how you accept my flaws. I love how you always send me video of your sweet love for me. Baby, happy anniversary. I love you so much! 

Motion

Sorry

My love for you have always been so amazing, and yes, it haven't chance since then. I love you, but I hurt you the most. I hurt you, I hurt myself. I try to be understanding but I fail all the time. I know I need to understand. But it's just impossible to interpret anything correctly without words. I know I over think and over assume stuff, but it's just how I see things. I feel so guilty now when I hurt you so much already, I almost went to the state that I don't know what to do anymore. I love you, I don't want to lose you. I know you say you'll never go, but everyone has it's limit. I hope things like that won't happen again. I miss you loads. I love you.

I know it's been a long time

Us. We have gone through so much together. We have been at our highest and even at our lowest. What I really cherish about this relationship is US. I didn't really know what is love till I met you. You taught me so much. You gave me so much support. Basically without you, I'll be an empty person. As I type this, I feel that I'm the most luckiest girl in the world. I'm sorry for any fault I've done, I'll learn from it and strive to become a better person. Thank you for teaching me to become less short tempered. I love you so much no one can ever replace you :').

I miss you although we just parted 3 hours ago. I love how this feels and I don't want to lose it. I love you baby.

Happy birthday my lover!

You are the awesomest boy i ever know of, Happy birthday my love!

From your most weirdest BGF,

Birthday

Once again, thank you all that come to surprise me, im really touched to see all of you. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

And you baby, Thank you for planning every thing. Thank you for all the love, thank you for being in my life. I feel so blessed to have you. <3 i love you with all my heart.

Insecurities.

I really hate myself. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. Feeling like this, Hurting you like that. I really suck. I dont want to bring you more stress but i dont know how not to. I miss you so much. I wanna hug you i want to be in your arms. I dont want it to be like that. I really dont want to be so near to you yet so far away. Look now what are we doing. I am suppose to help you with your work. But now, youre sitting so far away and im here writing this shit, cus i need to pour. I dont want to make you angry at all. I want you nearer. :'(

Insecurities keep flooding my mind. Go away!

You, please come back to me. I really need you :' (

Super 8th

See how time flies so quickly, It feels like I just came back from hong kong, and we just had japanese food at liang court, first fight, first kiss, first everything seems like it just happened yesterday.

Today is our 8th months together, and we are still fighting strong. I love the way we are and i wont want to change anything thats happening at all. I'll never want this to end, till death do us apart. I love how we spent our day together like this. I don't have any pictures with me, so you'll have to post them up soon baby.

I love you. I thank you for your patience, i thank you for being there for me all the time.

I love you my best friend, my boyfriend, my lover and soon my family.

I miss you honey.

Happy birthday

Bad photos alert!

So, it was your birthday!

Although it was a very impromptu surprise cus i thought that you were meeting up with us,

but you were sick, so i planned to visit you and im glad that you like it :D

I wanna say im sorry,

im sorry for so many things.

For neglecting you when im with that (onion).

Im sorry. i know that i shouldn't do that at all.

I left you alone for him for 8 fucking months,

and im fucking regretting it. You didn't leave me alone,

in fact you were the shoulder that pull me through when things went down.

Im really blessed to have you.

I'm truly sorry my dear friend. I love you.

This is from the bottom of my heart, I love you and happy birthday,

Nisa. <3

Fights

Having mini tiffs and being okay in awhile were the days, now we are having quarrels that last more than 30 mins. It hurts more than anything else when we give each other cold shoulder. It's like the song

"And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard"

I want you to be happy, i don't want to hurt you. I don't want to see you cry, i want to be the one that make you smile, baby. I'm sorry if i can't make you happy.

i miss you

i posted the previous post out of jealousy. I'm really sorry for being paranoid, jealous and selfish to your female friends. Now you can tell how much i don't trust girls? I know it will be impossible if i want to be the only girl in your life, cus this is your life, you can do anything you want/need to. A day without you is just too miserable. I thought i could handle it but it seems that i cant. Im sorry baby boy.

Yesterday was our 7th, we surely have been through so much together.

I love how we hang on with each other even though the distance. Thank you for everything, thank you for being in my life. I want to be in your life forever and ever.

When you touch me every single time. I’m so lucky, to say that you’re mine. I still get those stupid butterflies,But it’s just what you do,I’m loving everything you do.

Baby i love you.

P/S: please forgive me when i am too jealous and too selfish, i don't mean harm, im just over protective of you. For one extremely simple reason, i love you.

selfishness

I think that i'm really selfish sometimes.

You're just talking to a friends but i'm reacting like you a jealous bitch.

I don't like this feelings. I know that i don't want you to meet them downstairs, even for awhile.

I allow you to, cause i know you want to.

I miss you

Baby, i really miss you so much.

It has been only one day, and i cant stop thinking of you.

Now, i'm being random, trying to make you miss me more ^^

Every single morning, i wake up alone on my bed,

Wishing that someday, you'll be beside me each morning.

Playing tickle on bed till we both give up,

and have breakfast on bed together.

Travel to any part of the world together,

To experience the wackiest things.

Get married up at the sky.

Go to the beaches,

lie on sand, gazing at the clouds.

Buy a yatch,

Go to a remote place.

And have a house for only you and me.

holding hands till we grow old.

And stay forever as US.

Baby i love you so much. I miss you dearly.

Let us fulfill everything that we want to do.

Get married, and no more forbidden love.

Cus no one, can get in the way of what i feel for you.

I Miss you so much baby.

From your crazy gf.

I love you.