Living in state of fear

I haven't felt like this before. Living in fear, mom's losing trust in me. I'm such a letdown. Hanging in between. I don't wanna lose him and I don't wanna lose my family's trust. I love them all. I don't know what to do, like really. I feel lost whenever I'm not with you. I feel miserable but I won't show. How can I help myself? How can this go on without being in fear. I need to seek help. This sucks and I really hope you will hold me tight and get through this with me baby. Lastly, you are the only man that I fall so deeply into. I love you.

Worst thing in my life just struck

Yes, I just broke the news to my parents. They are reacting like I have a hooligan boyfriend. They wouldn't want to hear me out and tell them how wonderful my love is. He is like no other. He might not be the race they want him to be, but that's what he is and can't they just accept that I love him? I knew this would happen, I felt it coming. But never thought that it would be just a huge hoo haa! Yes, I said that he was my best friend, my good buddy, but then again, things change, feelings changed. I love you all, I respect all of you, that's why I'm breaking the news so soon. Cus I love my lover and I love my family, and this is all the reason why I had to hold back my feelings then. Dad's pissing off, throwing stuffs at me? Yelling that he doesn't wanna hear me? Thanks alot. Mom's talking about disowning? Because of affan being a Malay? Wow.

I have an interesting family. Sucks to be me.

Sweetest drug

On 17 Nov.
He become my special someone.
I become his. It was all so coincidental. I love him, he loves me. Never knew that he was such a sweetie. I love my cheesy boyfee! :> He is at KL enjoying himself now. I feel miserable and lonely here. Can't contact him at all, I wonder what he's doing. I miss him so much I feel lost and insecure. :(

So here's my lovely boy. :>

Selfcentered

Note to self: you're not the only one being stressed. Others are too, in fact. They might be facing more stress than you. So, try to understand and not throw your feelings to others. And stop crying for god's sake.

At school

School's being a bore. I feel like I'm gonna die in the mids of fyp.

Frustrated

Im frustrated cus I think I'm full of hate now. I realize I get angry easily nowadays. What happened to tolerance? What happen to smiling? What happen to my anger management? I mustn't be like that. Can't hate no more.

If you know what i mean

So, since I need to wait for my apps to finish downloading, I shall blog. I don't know if I'm crazy or is this more than a crush. I've got a crush on this special someone. I ain't really into him, but I think he means something to me. A really important friend. I love him in a way that I need him all the time, to talk, to laugh and to comfort each other. The feeling is so much better than previous. I know it's totally impossible and I don't want to ruin friendship, so Im gunna keep it to myself. We will be and already are forever friends. What am I talking about? I love him.

Need some love.

Feeling pretty horrible these few days. Maybe it's FYP and being ill at the same time. Mentally and physically screwed. I'm starting to lose myself, with the pressure and neglecting my family for school isn't a good idea. I often think that I'm a horrible person, a horrible daughter, a horrible sister and a horrible friend. Always portraying that I'm always happy no longer work anymore. I realize I can't please everyone anymore. I want to fall in love. To bring back that happiness. I don't want to feel lonely and miserable. I need some love. Bai!

i miss everything

i miss my hair, i miss me.

F1

F1 is over, it weird that I kinda miss working at F1. Thought my feet almost killed me, and I was alone the whole time. Manage to get to know and talk to rich people, a rare exposure. I remember there was one arrogant club suite Singaporean patron. He was an ass, he condemn me after the 1st day, cus I didn't know that he could go in with that pass, but nvm, I was doing my job.

So anyway, there were nice people as well, one of em hugged me and kissed my neck!! Kingsman boss was damn funny too! But then again, was very nerve wrecking when some patrons don't have pass.. And I was the only one at the staircase, no reception to call out and ang moh getting pissed, shouting in my face..

Oh well, that's about it.

Loved

Happy birthday, loved.
I know I shouldn't keep placing you on my mind,
Hope you're doing perfectly fine and yes, I miss you. I hate the fact that we're like enemies now. This is kinda redundant cus you wouldn't have the chance to see this.

Happy 19 and have a blast.

D R E A D F U L!

Gonna be at F1 site later.
I hope it won't gonna be tough.
I'll survive!
Please let me hear chris daughtry and Adam lambert~

Sunday

Three more days to your 19th birthday.
Wished i forgotten but i didnt.

Hugs

Turned workaholic

So, I've not been blogging lately cus, one, I got my iPhone and didn't know what there's an app for me to blog. Two, I haven't been on my lappy ever since I got my phone. And three, cus of work, work, work and work. Since I'm free now, taking the train to bishan ite to grab my F1 uniform, why not blog right? So, anyway, yesterday's work was exhausting! Althought it's just less than 5 hours, the sun could literally kill! Really very thankful for those that came and suffered. Catch me on twitter, I'm super active there! Go search for honeychapstick and request to follow.. I'm private:> and tata!

Teenage dream

She's hot!

Phone blog

Finally I found an app to blog on blogger! Now I can blog whenever I want, cus I haven't been on my lappy thus not blogging at all. So, stay tune, whoever is reading:>

Hate/love Can't give up

Finally, a free Saturday, Its been a long time since i can slack on Saturdays.
If it's not work then its training. It might be good occupying my time, so i don't have to think so much. So, today i have all the time i have to think. Here it goes.
I really want my friendship back as much as i want a space in your heart.
I know it'll be difficult to make the 1st move but, i will.
And yes, I'd really like to hate you if i could stop loving you.
Lets drop love aside, and rediscover our undiscovered friendship.
I doubt you'll ever read this. But mark my words, i'll do what i need to do to be like we use to.

P/s: this isn't an emo post :)

Out of my league

School starts, i'm still feeling so holiday.
I'm blogging cos im unsure. Confused.
I don't know? I think im over it.
I'm sick of trying cos i run out of words for you.
You made me happy whether you knew it or not.
I need you back, my friend.

And yes, i'm still waiting for the one to annoy me forever, thus the photo.

Holy days

Spare me, will you?

Ok, here are the photos i took for holidays. Didn't have the time to blog cos i was super busy, with work, fun and more fun!

Camwhore with sissy, look like a total idiot. HAH
Then, outing with BRUDDERS! Like finally la, took a long time to organize.


Bro took this hideous photo with hipstimatic on iphone.
this too!
To roro's house,
Athira came to my grand's for guitar lessons
The sands with mom, sissy and bro




My current home background




i love this picture!

And work yesterday! Lotsa ants before we start.

So, i think this holiday was the most fruitful one and eventful one, almost emotional too! I really hate the emotional part, cos it hurts totally, but moving on. I've got lots of new friends! Both from work and YOG! Really want to thank Chrissy( big bro's girl ). She's an awesome person, she became my pillar when my life literally fallen apart. And welcome back LYT! Come and meet me soon! I'm not loving my life now, but i like occupying my time and making myself busy!
I can't take my mind off someone when i'm not busy/tired. Miserable much :( nayways, its late. So, toodles!